I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
