Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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