i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
