He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
