idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
