you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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