he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
