Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
