Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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