I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize