Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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