I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
