and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
