You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
