he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
