I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
