Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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