It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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