dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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