well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
