dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
a search helicopter?!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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