maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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