Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
