my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
