I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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