My nipple is on Facebook.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
