I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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