Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
