plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize