Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
