It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize