Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
