I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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