I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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