Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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