yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
