Jerry, you need to find god
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
