I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
