he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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