You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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