dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
