I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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