i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
