OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
