it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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