I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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