my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
