I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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