ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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