im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If I die, sorry about rent.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
