my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
