I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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