Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
