so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
