just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
