I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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