I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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