watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
