I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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