hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
