the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
