So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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