i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
