Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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