I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
