Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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