the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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