i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
