I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I will be naked everywhere
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
