Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
