i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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