I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
