I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
