I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
