Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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